Plugging in the headphones, I edged closer to the bike and looked at my watch. Late. Again. And this time by more than fifteen minutes. She knows. She knows that I hated waiting Especially there. People would stare like I was one of those random boys mothers warn their daughters about. A woman walks past, and looks at me suspiciously. I stare back at her, hoping that my stare conveys what I'm thinking, not every guy standing on a lonely road is going to make a pass at any woman walking by.


I text her again. "twooooo mins" she says. For the tenth time. Really,I think, this girl just takes me for granted! The number of times I have told her to not keep me waiting because it is the ONE thing I hate! And all she can do is stick out her tongue at me like it didn't matter to her. Like I din't matter. 


But not this time, I think fiercely. This time I'm going to tell her in no uncertain terms that i do not like to be kept waiting on pavements and freezing myself to death while strange women throw me murderous glances.


Ten more minutes, and still no sign of her.


"Look, I think I'll just leave" I text her! "My god, just give me ten seconds...i'm almost there! Honest!" 


Sigh. that means ten more minutes, at least, just me and my angry thoughts, wondering just WHAT it is about this girl that makes me want to protect her, and scream bloody murder, all at the same time.


And that's when I see her, looking happy as hell, not a care that a man was kept waiting, jumping out of an auto; she laughs at something the auto driver says to her and then hands him the money! "bye uncle!" she waves as he starts counting the money.She walks up to where I'm standing. Smiling apologetically and looking up at me with those beseeching eyes. And I cant help myself. My anger is slipping away,even as I try hard to hold on to it.. And i laugh. "What??" she says. Exactly, I'm thinking, just WHAT?


As she's getting on to my bike, the auto driver whizzes past, looking at her and smiling. And then, he looks at me. In the moment that it takes for that look to pass I know what's running on his mind. Yes. I know. That's MY girl.

The Really Terrible orchestra!

Before I go into the Really Terrible Orchestra, (!!!), I'd like to get into how I actually came across this wonderfully imaginative idea and thereby became a fan.


Alexander McCall Smith was accidentally discovered. I walked into the library one day to look for a mindless, easy-read, chick lit read, and randomly picked "Love over Scotland". Titles can be more deceptive than appearances. It was anything BUT mindless. And was part of the 44 Scotland Street series. But what a good mistake it was because I went back and picked up the series. And I was hooked.


 Although McCall Smith's style of writing, content and the tales he weaves so beautifully make for another post altogether, The Really Terrible Orchestra makes an appearance in "The Sunday Philosophy Club" series. Which I then promptly Googled. And realised it actually exists and McCall Smith was a founder.


In their own words :


"The Really Terrible Orchestra exists to encourage those who have been prevented from playing music, either through lack of talent or some other factor, to play music in the company of similarly afflicted players. The policy of the orchestra is to make no distinction between the various grades of ability and the various forms of music, or time signature. The RTO looks forward to a further lowering of standards, in order to underline its commitment to accessibility and relevance."


How WONDERFUL.


To not care if you're tone deaf, sing, play music for the love of it! And nothing more! I was beginning to think "for the love of doing it" was a dead thing. How often do we see a bunch of people, who get together in this incredible manner, to simply revel in the joy of doing what they love. Each of these not-so-talented individuals have jet setting careers that they take time off from to be in RTO, and to entertain wholeheartedly.


To sum it up: 
"The name was carefully chosen: what it said was what you would get."


And if you think the audiences they pull are terrible in number, they absolutely aren't. Their performances are so incredibly sought out that they play to a full house each time! 


Here's a sample! 


And this the RTO seems to have inspired amateur musicians all over the world! this one is the Really Terrible Orchestra Of Triangle, TOOT for short, and they're a hoot! And not half terrible.

If this is terrible, then it's good fun to be terrible.

....and its 'Mary' Christmas time!!

That's what I was told today..."wish you mary mary christmas time!" (priceless)


It's officially winter in Bangalore, and it is just beautiful to wake up to mist that makes everything look delightfully wintery! Sweaters are out, red noses are in, and flushed faces everywhere, I wish it was winter all year through!

And THIS is the stuff that makes my day! From the eighth floor at work, I honestly had no idea what I was clicking and was wishing I had a camera and not the crappy one on my phone! And I still have absolutely NO idea how this picture turned blue! Ah the joy! 

facebook and all that jazz

Ok, I know, but how could I NOT have a post about this?

First of all, you're considered an outcast if you don't have a Facebook account. And then it promotes voyeurism. Which is very hard to resist unless you're a saint in the Himalayas. But then last I heard, even highly reputed spiritual organisations have Facebook pages-to promote culture. Oh the irony.

Second, it is very, very disturbing to see little girls of twelve and thirteen change their "relationship statuses" every few days. Honestly, just how "complicated" has life gotten for a thirteen year old? I can already see anthropological studies in the future named "Social changes and stigma - The Facebook Era", or "Effect of networking - how Facebook transformed behavioral trends of a generation".

There is a barrage of statuses: moods, locations, love life (eeekkk!), blah, blah and more blah. Since when did we develop the sudden need to publish every single thought, action and non-action? Or did we always have this major craving to let the world know what brand of toothpaste we use, and couldn't, and then Zuckerberg gave us just the way out?

I still find some of the stuff pretentious. Sworn enemies being so courteous on Facebook they could put Michelle Obama to absolute shame-
 "yes dah-ling, you have SUCH a beautiful baby, it must feel great!" (I hope you never lose all that unwanted weight),
"Gorgeous babe" (Wait till you see MY pictures b****)
"very nice pic" /"you look great" / "wow" (I have nothing to say, but am obligated to because YOU said that to ME)

 The Facebook wall, is simply, a way to advertise just who you are, where you go, and what you do. Therefore the "My feet are killing me with all the dancing (million !!!'s ) that was such a killerrr parrtyyy yaarrr such-and-such place is very happening".

There are tons of things that are great, too. Who would've thought that the best way to advertise your candle-making skills, and increase your sales without having to pay a consultant, was a social networking site? At least I never thought that an author who's book I read would be my "friend". Also, there are some geniuses out there who make my day by posting some unbelievably hilarious links that get me through a very monotonous workday. And whether you are an entrepreneur, small business proprietor or a big time retail outlet, you just have to have a Facebook "presence". Social Media Marketing, is the next big thing, apparently.

I guess you have to take the good with the bad, but how does "liking"  Save The Tiger page, save the tiger? Or putting the colour of your un-mentionables help women with serious illnesses?

Food for thought : A newsfeed on my Facebook homepage read " Socalled Somesuch Likes Children With Disability"

Of cab rides and the internet.

Cab rides can change your life! Believe you me!

There is a certain thrill in riding a cab. It's definitely not as simple as boarding a cab and then un-boarding it.
It in fact involves : Run for cab like your life depends on it / wait on road for cab while a bum appraises you critically and a random jogger feels free to peer at you weirdly. Then you listen to the cab driver give you an earful in the local language that always starts with "eeen madummmm yake.....". Then the ride. Can be harrowing the first few days. The cab driver will show you skills that make you feel stupid for ever thinking Fast and the Furious was, in fact, fast and furious. Any cab driver believes that fighting against time comes with the job description. And then, two days, later, you don't think twice about letting the cab driver be the owner of your life and limb for the entirety of the ride.

Honestly, listening to Vivaldi, while the human race is rushing past you in all its glory (bumpy roads, cows, jaywalking men,overflowing buses, the driver consequently shaking his fist while miraculously driving the whole time) is a thing of beauty.

And then the internet has me possessed like never, ever before! It is beginning to take a toll on my social life, and my reading. It's amazing, having been off it, to realise just HOW much of a change you can affect. From leaking cables to fixing your leaking pipes. Although I have my reservations about the lack of control this generation (dam, I feel old) has about keeping private things private. (I honestly don't want to know what you ate where you went and how your broken heart can never be fixed, OR the colour of your shoes today.)

But then again, changing with the times is inevitable I suppose. And discovering a new and awesome website gives you almost as much of a high as the afore mentioned cab ride does! Twitter?

Patriotism?

Is it just me, or has love for the country as a concept died out?

The week that was, and wasn't.

The week that was: (Well technically last week, I left it to rot in drafts)

Hectic. I didn't get to eat on time, missed out on sleep, generally went crazy with the demands of a job on the suddenly (unsatisfactorily) employed! (but the details of that are the story for another post altogether)

Boring. When it boils to it, work, is, simply put, mind numbingly boring. I wish I could find a job that involves a lot of reading, writing and surfing the internet and pays well. (Dream on, I hear?) Sigh.

Hard hitting. Julian Assange was in and out of jail. I admire the people who were able to dig out such obscure Swedish laws to put this man in jail. (there is something very very irresistibly appealing about a man like Assange, with his eccentric mannerisms, just like there is something irresistible about Arundhati Roy)

Nostalgia-inducing. A dear friend I've known since kindergarten is now engaged and is going to be tying the knot. Nothing brings reality pouring down on you like a bucket of ice, like knowing your best friend's life is going to transform beyond your comprehension.

Expensive. Onions are expensive. A friend took a dig at it by posting pictures of a cheap bag of onions from the UK where he is currently settled. And to add insult upon injury, not a lot of people here even KNEW about the oh-nion saga. I am beginning to wonder how the common man is going to survive,eat grass?? We certainly seem to have a lot of politicians who'd take the "eat cake" road. I hope a revolution is brewing. ( A girl can dream.)

What it was not:

The much anticipated nerd attack, Anonymous's horde of nerds fighting back (enlisting the help of the common computer-owning man's support, of course) did not have a great outcome. It was definitely not a week where the freedom of speech won. (for everything else, there's Mastercard?)

It was not a week to blow up cash, the new job hasn't paid (off) yet!

Was a terrible week, nation wise, accusations hurling like nukes from Ratan Tata to Rajeev Chandrashekar, scams galore, raids, more accusations, more scams. Just another day in India, right?

Definitely not the week to consider joining Twitter.

All in all, the mundane in this country is anything but. sigh. And here I was dreaming about Change. What a lot of *&^%%$@##$. 

Spewing Bullshit

This title came to my head, unbidden, as I sat through a deathly-stupor-inducing "Induction"

After all the hype, hoopla and general confusion that is a big part of my life usually, I finally, (somewhat unenthusiastically) began to get adjusted to being "employed" again.

So, the induction happened. At this supposedly super retailer's super organisation that is going HOT in India! (not my words, I have completely different views on the matter).

And, as always, rather than really listening to the speaker, I gave my whole and undivided attention at observing everybody from my super vantage point at the very back of the room. If it was up to me, believe me, the girl in the Green Salwar would get brownie points for nodding her head oh-so enthusiastically and looking earnest for about 8 hours without ever looking tired with the effort! Wonder what was running in her head...the terrible lunch? her green dupatta...?  boyfriend??? Her phone kept vibrating annoyingly, disturbing my keen observations. Must be boyfriend, girls don't generally text back furiously if not involved romantically.

Back to the topic. The woman, an extremely beautiful one, with an IIM tag to boot (bloody!!) was going on and on and on....about how LUCKY we are to be in THIS country (A Raja is too) at THIS time of booming economy and great development (Bhimmamma, domestic help extraordinaire, would run after her, broomstick in hand) and with the wonderful opportunity to work for THIS company!!!! (sigh.) And that's when my mind went, she earns big bucks, for spewing bullshit. THAT is the job I want, then. I can spew bullshit! That, and how I'm collecting wonderful fodder for the blog. (Note : Unemployment bad for blogging. Cynicism towards Employer good for blogging) They must've mistaken that deadly gleam in my eye for genuine enthusiasm!

And then the videos. They cannot ever get sued, not if you looked through the videos shot by shot with a microscope, you cannot find one damned politically incorrect shred of an image. Every shot had one Caucasian, one African American, one Far Eastern, one Asian, one Hispanic, one VERY conspicuous Indian . EVERY-SHOT. Constructing the previous sentence took me a while! Imagine HOURS worth of videos! phew!

Also, it doesn't take a dumass to realise that all those zoomed in faces with those huuuuge happy billion dollar smiles are NOT employees. Yes, they're wearing your colours and your uniforms, but come ON. I'm not buying this every employee is happy with us every single day nonsense!!

While we're on the videos, the background music gets a thousand points! Apprently they're supposed to make you feel good and believe in the "inclusive" culture of the great big brand we are "soooo LUCKY" to be a part of. (I don't know if they have some brainwashing stuff beneath all the music, I vaguely remember something like that happening in some random chick flick. Then there'd be zombies all around campus, everyday, beaming like those people in the videos while they walk around and while they work, smile ALWAYS in place). They totally achieved what they wanted...because next to me Red Salwar and Pink-Blue-Yellow Salwar just ERUPTED. I mean, really, jumped up and started clapping! Those hidden cameras they were talking about, if they'd captured my movements when the twin-salwar-volcanoes erupted, I would've looked like someone dropped a bomb next to me.

I don't have an impressive resume, au contraire. But one thing that i noticed is how HARD they try! I mean, they'd put the average college-lover-boy to shame with all that trying!! They go out of the way to tell you how they're the absolute BEST at what they do, give you a headache with the awards they've won, how you can grow and grow, and (God!!) how LUCKY you are, oversell the brand name, spew out meaningless jargon at the rate of ten a minute. What I find even more surprising than this shameless over-selling, is how easily everybody around me lapped it up! Clapping, laughing at un-funny nonsense, answering as though they're giving away millions to the one that answers first about what the current share price is, and looking so...SOLD.

Oh yes, well, what AM i doing there then?? Well SOMEBODY has to make these observations. You know, so there are different opinions floating around on the blogosphere and all that jazz. It doesn't hurt that I'm making some money on the way!